Look What I Did Today

Mission Viejo looks a little different from 800 feet.

In the lower left of the photo you can see the world's largest parking structure. In the center is Disneyland.

We were looking for a floater off the coast of Laguna Beach.

A view from inside the cockpit. "Cockpit" is such a funny word.

Cheesy Pick-up Lines From a Two-Year-Old?

Tabitha was in the bedroom this morning when Aidan asked her, "So, what's your name?"

Sometimes It's Just a Photo

And sometimes it's a metaphor.

Mates of State - My Only Offer

I Like a Good Bath Towel

There's nothing like a good soft towel after a long luxurious shower.

But this post isn't really about that. It's more about a few observations from the past few days.

1. Bad girls hang around with bad boys. Or vice versa.
2. You can drive the 75 miles from work to wife's work in traffic in less than an hour if you exceed the speed limit.
3. Fast food is fast but it's not food.
4. Hostess Chocolate Donette Gems might taste sorta good but they aren't very satisfying.
5. Sometimes it's not your fault.
6. Usually it is.
7. Good friends help out in times of crisis if they know there's a crisis.
8. Nobody buys print encyclopedias anymore.
9. The lady sitting at the table outside Starbucks in barefeet and mumbling to herself might be a drug addicted parolee or she might be an angel but you'll never know unless you ask.
10. Sometimes I crave cheese as I'm falling asleep. I don't think it's because my body needs cheese.
11. Summertime blows.
12. I've got great kids but sometimes they really get on my nerves.
13. Most magazines are just trying to get you to buy stuff. And yet I still read them.
14. A Jeep doesn't replace a Mini.
15. Comedians aren't funny if you're not in the mood.
16. Carlos Mencia is not funny. Period. Full stop (for the Brits).
17. Sometimes I'm not very motivated to go to church. It usually happens only once a week.
18. Super Sugar Crisp taste good but you can feel your body shutting down after you eat them.
19. Lance Armstrong should stay retired.
20. You can't unshred an important document.
21. People lie. Sometimes.
22. Some people lie all the time. (This is not a logic puzzle).
23. I want to go to the Minnesota State Fair and eat a corn dog.
24. Liberals suck and Conservatives blow.
25. Moderates are wishy-washy.
26. The book of Revelation is not about a super-computer in Belgium called the Beast.
27. Electricity is the future of transportation.
28. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

And finally...

29. Sleep doesn't satisfy like it used to but I still do it.

That's Reassuring

We found out the other day that GOP VP nominee Sarah Palin's seventeen-year-old daughter, Bristol, is pregnant.

These things happen.

A little beer, a little boredom and nature takes its course.

And then we find out she is going to marry the father of the baby (I hear the rack of a shotgun slide).

What a relief. I thought for sure she would have to give up the baby for adoption. I'm sure everything will be okay now that two teenagers are going to raise the child.

You Eat That?

When I was a youngster you could have not gotten me to eat an artichoke for any amount of money. They looked disgusting and smelled worse.



But then, when I was in Europe, I had a pasta dish made with artichoke hearts. It had artichoke hearts, garlic, rotini, olive oil and bacon.



Bacon makes everything better.



It was pretty good.



I didn't become an artichoke eater overnight but I did stop my personal campaign to remove them from the list of edibles.



Several months ago, Tab and I were at the Ojai Valley Inn. We ate at one of the restaurants at the resort. There was an artichoke appetizer listed on the menu.



I don't remember exactly how it was prepared but it had something to do with an artichoke, garlic, olive oil, and fire.



It was good - darn good.



And it doesn't give you stinky pee like my other favorite veggie.

Inflation Hits Home

There's been a lot of talk recently about rising prices. Gas prices are nearly double what they were a few years ago. Food costs more, electricity costs more, clothing costs more. The dollar seems to be in a freefall against the world's major currencies.

But none of that hurt very much.

Sure my gasoline bill went through the roof. But I'm also driving much farther to work.

This hurt:

The cost of 7 ounces of Kerrygold Dubliner cheese from Ireland went from $4.99 to $5.99 at Target.

Abigail's Dance Show

Abigail had her sort of annual dance show. This year it was a TV theme. Abigail danced an "I Dream of Jeanie" dance with her class.

She's the third from the right.

Striking a pose.

Now she wants to give gymnastics a try.

Election 2008

The political race is heating up.

The black dude picked an old-timey liberal as his running mate. He's talking about change and "eight is enough."

The old white dude picked a chick as his running mate. A chick from Alaska where there are about 300 registered voters. He's talking about...?

I'm not really sure what the old white dude is talking about. The press doesn't seem to report much about him.

Anyway, the choice seems clear.

I'm voting for...

Happy Birthday Tabitha

Happy Birthday Baby.

An American Ritual

Every Sunday evening in parking lots across our country a ritual unfolds.

A car drives in and parks next to another. A man climbs out of his car and opens the passenger door. Children climb out.

Hugs are exchanged.

A woman climbs out of the other car and opens her passenger doors. The children take a one last look at their dad and climb into mom's car.

In the best cases a few pleasantries are exchanged. Sometimes the parents can't manage even that.

They drive away only to repeat the ritual in two weeks.

July 4th in August

We had our annual 4th of July family reunion last weekend at Uncle Hank's. Lots of family I haven't seen in a while (or ever). Mom took the train down from Montana to visit with us and to attend the party. She only stayed with us for 3 short days. But we had fun.

I took her to In-N-Out for lunch.

Tabitha and Aidan watching the fun in the pool.

I was probably ten years old before I jumped off this diving board. Abigail jumped, swam to the side and did it again. Over and over.

Two very handsome men sitting by the pool.

That kid is hard to pin down.

Weenie Wipers and Hair Pluckers

It's not all glamour for a CSI. Sometimes you have to investigate a rape. And then you get to be a weenie wiper and hair plucker.

Tomorrow is a Big Day

I know Obama and McCain are going to be at Saddleback. I wasn't talking about that.

Tomorrow is the opening day of the 2008-2009 English Premier League.

Can ManUtd repeat as champions? Can Chelsea get back on track under Scolari? Will this be the year for Liverpool to win domestically? Will the young Arsenal players fulfill their potential from last year? Will Newcastle finally prove they are a "big" club by winning something?

Will Verizon FIOS stop advertising "The Manchester United Red Devils host the Newcastle Magpies" or "The Arsenal Gunners take on the Fulham Cottagers at Craven Cottage"?

Seriously, these are not American teams like the Packers, Devil Rays, or Dodgers.

These are football clubs with histories stretching back over a hundred years. They have roots buried deep in their communities.

Anyway, I'll finally have something to watch on TV again.

You Never Know Who You Might Meet

My in-laws just returned from a trip to England. They had dinner one night at Cambridge University (my father-in-law, Andy, was presenting a paper). As they're walking back to their car, they see a dude in a wheelchair waiting to get into a van. There's a big computer screen on the wheelchair.

As they get closer, they realize they recognize him.

He's some famous guy named Stephen Hawking.

I guess he's a theoretical physicist or something. I hear he wrote a book or two.

And no, they did not bring me back a football jersey. I wanted an Aston Villa one this time.

Sunday Was A Busy Day...

...salt mining.

Popeye's

I went to Popeye's Chicken and Biscuits today for lunch. Have you ever had an experience like this?

You go into a restaurant and no one looks like you.

It's a weird feeling.

Did I make a wrong turn? Am I supposed to eat here? Is everyone looking at me?

I was very self conscious.

I was the skinniest person in the restaurant.

There's This Cheese...

It's from Italy. You might have heard of it.

It's called Parmigiano Reggiano.

It's good. Real good. It's not quite "Jesus" good but probably "Mother Teresa" or "Gandhi" good. That's pretty good.

Real Parmigiano is made near Parma by real Italian dairyman with mustaches and big rubber boots. They mold the cheese into big wheels and stamp "Parmigiano Reggiano" around the outer edge. And then they stuff them into caves or barns or somewhere cool and dry and and age them for at least 18 months.

It develops a thin rind around the edges to protect the salty, tangy, grainy goodness inside.

You may have had Parmesan cheese before. You probably opened a plastic bottle with a well known American brand name emblazoned across the front and shook it on your spaghetti. It was okay. It's cheese after all. But it's not the real deal.

Do yourself a favor. Go to your local grocer and buy a wedge of Parmigiano Reggiano (look for the stamp on the rind). The last wedge I bought was priced at 15 bucks a pound. It's not cheap but the best things in life aren't free. And it lasts forever - a little goes a long way.

I grate it fine with the rind on edge. It grates a little rind into the cheese but you'll never notice and you won't waste any cheese. It is so good. Or break off a chunk and let it melt in your mouth (don't bother trying to cut it).

You won't be sorry.

Happy Birthday Mama

It seems like yesterday when you were learning to drive - that sure entertained us kids. And then you started back to college, shaming us with your awesome grades.

Thanks for being you Mom.

And have a great trip down on the train. We can't wait to see you.

The Other Shoe Drops

We knew it was probably going to happen. It's just so final when it does.

Tabitha received a notice of suspension from the DMV today. She will not be able to drive starting on Tuesday.

It's going to be a challenge to do all the things we need to. We are going to have to rely on the kindness of friends and family.

She Loved That Car

About two and a half years ago we decided to buy a Mini Cooper. We went down to our local Mini dealer and test drove a coupe and a convertible. After cruising around with the top down and Abigail in the back seat we decided to buy a Cooper S Convertible.

We picked out the color and features we wanted and then waited. And waited. Every day for two months I got on the Mini website and tracked the progress of our car.

In the meantime we got a new addition to our family - Aidan.

We started to wonder if we made the right decision. The Mini is pretty small for two car seats. But we made it work.

After two months of waiting, our car was finally delivered. It was a chili red Cooper S convertible with the sport package.

It was awesome.

We loved that car.

But our love was not to last.

A few weeks ago our baby was taken from us. It doesn't make sense to spend $24,000 to repair a $24,000 car.

We went car shopping today. We have a rule in our family - we don't buy boring cars anymore.

We like red cars.

The Happiest Place on Earth (Day 3)

On Saturday, we planned to get up at the crack of dawn to take advantage of the early entry they offer to the park for hotel guests.

Yeah, right.

We had our breakfast with the characters at Storytellers Cafe again and then went to Toon Town.

Aidan, don't hit the pole.

That's the cutest pumpkin face I've ever seen.


The ever popular Goofy.

We had lunch at the Wine Country Trattoria in California Adventure. It was a nice change from the usual burger, fries and coke. This was the best lasagna I've eaten. Ever. Or maybe it was the glass of pinot noir I washed it down with.

Somebody looks tired.

Abigail wanted to go on the Grizzly River Run. After waiting in line for 25 minutes we had to go to the restroom. Fortunately the nice man and his son in line behind us let us back in.

Grizzly River Run is a good choice on a hot day.

The kids enjoying Bug's Land.

The Happiest Place on Earth (Day 2)

Day two began early. Even with the shades drawn, Abigail was awake at first light.

Breakfast with the Critters at Storytellers Cafe.

Giddy with anticipation.

It's either Chip or Dale.


Mommy took Abigail to Libby Lu for hair and makeup. Daddy took Aidan to the room to change a stinky diaper.

A future equestrian.

My love, my bride.

Excitement?

Buzz and Zurg join our family.

A cocoon, perhaps?

You can't catch me!

I think they're tired.

The Happiest Place on Earth (Day 1)

The cynic in me knows Disneyland is a carefully crafted machine designed to extract as much money from me as possible.

And yet...

... I love going there.

Last week we had a short summer vacation at Disneyland. We stayed at the Grand Californian for a couple of nights and went to both Disneyland and California Adventure. We had a great time.

Aidan and Abigail enjoy the view from our room.

Abigail patiently waits for her pizza at Naples in Downtown Disney.

Aidan was not so patient.

This is my favorite pizza.

I saw Mommy do it this way.

Finally

After weeks of struggle...

...Abigail's tooth came out.

Hit The Showers

I love a good shower. Standing under its warm caress after 12 hours in the salt mine, washing the grime and cares of the day away. Pure bliss.

Back when I was a young kid and just getting used to the habit of being clean, I took showers every morning. And then I went to bed dirty. Now I hate going to bed feeling grimy.

Later I was a two-shower-a-day guy. One in the morning and one in the evening. Not anymore. Except on work days, I generally only take a shower before going to bed. It saves water or something.

I like to camp in places that have showers. There is nothing more gratifying than rinsing the soap and shampoo off before the timer shuts off the shower. There is nothing more frustrating than having the timer shut off when you're still covered in soap. It's no fun fumbling with quarters while shampoo drips into your eyes.

It's not that I don't like to get dirty. I just like to be able to clean up after.

Okay, maybe I don't really like to get dirty.

And Another Thing...

... that really chaps my hide: loose toilet seats.

I know you thought I was going to say, "Republicrats" or "high gas prices" but those don't bother me nearly as much as a loose toilet seat.

There is no excuse for a loose toilet seat. It doesn't even require tools to fix. There is just a little plastic nut on the filthy underside of the toilet. Reach back there and give it a twist.

And then wash your hands really good. It's pretty gross under most toilet seats.

I know a guy who pinched his nut sack pretty badly when the toilet seat slipped, trapping him between the seat and bowl. He cried like a baby.

Okay, I Get It.

Every time we get into the car now, Aidan says "Don't crash into the pole."

More Music

Where Were You in December 1988?

Love those glasses.

A Self-Portrait

Sweet Dreams

"No More Mini"

Last night Tabitha had low blood sugar while driving the kids back from Fontana. She remembers getting on the east bound 60 freeway in Rubidoux and then the rest is just a fog. The CHP tried to stop what they thought was a drunk driver. They realized she had a medical issue and dropped back.

The car finally came to a stop when she ran into a light pole at 50 miles per hour on an on-ramp to the 10 freeway in Cabazon.




The pole fell on top of the car.





Thankfully, neither Tabitha nor the kids have any serious injuries. Aidan seems to be the most shook up. He was angry with Mommy for making him bite his tongue. He will be okay.


Thank you Mini for giving up your life to protect my family.

There Isn't Much Cuter than a Two-Year-Old...

... in a tuxedo.

Aidan had the honor of serving as Ring-Bearer in Jenna and Will's wedding.

Abigail enjoyed herself too.

Aidan was a whirl of activity at the reception.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Andy

On His Blindness

I was driving home from my shift at the salt mine early this morning. I rubbed my tired right eye and my contact lens popped out.

Uh oh!

Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, I can put a tiny plastic disk in my eye and have better than perfect vision. Unfortunately, without those little helpers I'm as blind as a bat in the noonday sun.

So there I was travelling down the 91 freeway at two thirty in the morning with the cruise control set at 87 miles per hour. With one good eye.

I could see clearly if I closed my right eye but I had no depth perception. If I opened both eyes I had depth perception but everything was distorted. I was still forty miles from home so stopping was not an option.

So anyway, I made it home safely. The worst part was pulling into the garage. I wasn't sure how close I was to the wall. Luckily I didn't run into anything.

Today, I'm putting a spare pair of glasses in the car in case this happens again.


A Little Something Extra:

Nobody believes you when you claim you are wearing your friend's pants. Especially when there is heroin in the pants and you have fresh puncture marks on your arms. Try to come up with a better story next time.

So That's What Happened to All of the Toilet Paper

The roll is too attractive for idle two-year-old hands.

A Small Victory?

In the battle of the sexes, victory is measured by...?



Not ground gained, enemy combatants killed, or total annihilation of the enemy. If you treat a relationship like a battle, then there can be no victory.



That being said...



Tabitha told me the other day that she was going to get all three "National Treasure" movies and watch them this week. I said there were only two "National Treasure" movies. She looked at me with pitying eyes and said that no, there were, in fact, three movies. I said I was pretty sure there were only two.



Today she told me she watched "National Treasure" with Abigail and that, yes, there were only two "National Treasure" movies.



I'm not gloating. I'm only putting it on record because it is very rare that I'm correct.