Road Trip 2008

I haven't had a vacation since this time last year. I need a break. I have the next two weeks off. I thought it appropriate to pack the wife and kids in the Jeep and head up to Montana. We leave bright and early tomorrow morning and will drive 800 miles to Pocatello, Idaho. I can't tell you how much I have been anticipating the trip.

I'll post photos as we go. Stay tuned.

That's Not Ironic At All

Let's say you've just posted a photo of your young son wearing only his diaper and your wife's much-too-large-for-him cowboy boots. It's a funny, cute photo that you've saved with the title, "Nearly Naked Cowboy."

And then you get a comment on the post. Comments are a fun way to interact with your readers. I love comments.

But this is someone you don't know. This person has posted a comment under a name like, "Live Nude Ladies" (not the real name).

I'm a curious sort. I think for a moment that this is possibly somebody I know. A name like "Live Nude Ladies" is kind of funny. If they have a blog titled "Live Nude Ladies" that is nothing about live nude ladies -- that's funny. I mean, my blog isn't really about cast iron skillets.

I love funny. I love ironic.

So being a diligent blogger, I follow the trail to the blog "Live Nude Ladies." Much to my surprise, it's a blog of nude ladies. Nude ladies hiding things.

That's not really very funny. At least it's not ironic in any way.

I write a family blog. So I deleted the comment. I don't usually delete comments (I think this was the first time).

The moral of the story is: don't use the words "naked" and "cowboy" in titles of photos of your kid lest someone trolling blogs for references to porn leaves a link leading back to a pornography site.

No Caption Needed

Sometimes I Wonder

Every Monday, Aidan stays home with me. Our day begins when we take Mommy to work and then Abigail to school. Then we come home and watch a little Sprout while Daddy reads the morning papers. Aidan usually uses this time to pull all of the toys out of the toy box and scatter them across the family room floor.

I know I'm supposed to love my children unconditionally. But when I hear "No" for the eighteenth time...

"Get down from the couch."

"No."

"Don't swing the bat in the house."

"No."

"Leave the cat alone."

"No."

You get the picture.

...

We ride in the car and he asks to have the window down. He gets angry and throws his cup. And then cries for his "cuppy." When he doesn't get his way he starts to scream.

I want to punch him in the face. Sometimes.

...

And then tonight after the twelfth tantrum of the day, he snuggles up to me on the couch. I start to think he's a sweetheart.

...

But then it's time for bed. He says he doesn't want his blankets on. And then he asks for his blankets. He says he wants the door open. And then he wants it closed. And then he wants it open part of the way. He wants the light on. He wants the light off.

So I leave the door open with the light on.

I hear him playing in his crib. His imagination bringing his stuffed monkey and lion to life. He talks and talks until finally... I hear nothing.

I look in the bedroom and he's asleep, lying sideways in the crib, his blankets pushed to one side. He looks so innocent and peaceful.

The iPhone

When I first heard about them I wanted one very badly.

I know, I know. I'm a victim of marketing hype.

I decided to wait a while. I coveted the iPhone but by waiting a while I could feel less like a shallow materialist. So I waited.

The first generation iPhone came and went (that thing was really expensive). And then the 3G iPhone came out. Better, faster, cheaper (what's not to love).

But I still waited.

And then one day Tab tells me she wants a new phone to replace her old Razor. We go to the store and buy her a Blackberry. I almost got one but I wasn't eligible for an upgrade yet. So I waited. I can't believe I almost settled for a Blackberry.

I went back a few weeks later. Still not eligible. So I waited some more.

My eligibility date came and went. I continued to wait, proud that I had such strong self-control. And then I folded like a cheap suit.

Now I have to figure the thing out. It does connect with my wireless network at home which is pretty cool.

It's a Little Late...

...but here is proof we actually got rain the other day. I was so happy.

The Big Day

I just returned from casting my ballot. Abigail had been expressing an interest in the election so I decided to take her to the polling place with me. Abigail said she wanted Barack Obama but then she isn't old enough to vote. I think she enjoyed herself.

In the last two elections I felt like my choice was between suicide by shotgun or train. This time around I feel much better about my choice.

Much better.



PS. Sonic Youth flossing ROCK!!!

Conservatives Don't Make Great Art

How many of the great artists were by nature conservative? I mean by disposition and not necessarily politics.

I can't think of any.

Most of the great artists were guys (or gals) living on the margins of society. They ran off to Tahiti, sliced off an ear, drank to much, consorted with drug addicts and prostitutes and generally raised hell.

In other words, not the kind of people you would trust to do your taxes (conservatives make great accountants).

To be a great artist you have to push boundaries. You have to be willing to take risks. You have to be willing to face the scorn of society. Conservative people are usually not willing to do this.

I'll never be a great artist.

What the Floss Did You Say?

I was listening to NPR tonight when they had a story about an upcoming Supreme Court case about the "F" word (FCC vs. Fox). I have to admit that I have been fascinated with the "F" word for some time now.

The "F" word has been around for a long time but didn't really enter into the lexicon in a big way until World War II. It's a word that can be used in every part of speech. It's a noun, a verb, an adjective, and an interjection. NPR couldn't say the word so they substituted "floss" for the nasty word.

I haven't been able to think about anything else since then.

"Go floss yourself ,you mother-flosser."

"Dude, you're flossed."

"Floss you!"

"Get the floss out."

"Floss the world." (for the punk dental hygienists)

And...

..."Want to floss?" (I prefer waxed)

I will never be able to hear "floss" again without snickering. Thanks NPR.

Huh...What!!!

If you really want to wake up a passed-out drunk, tugging on his armpit hairs isn't enough.

You've got to dig your knuckles into his sternum. That'll do the trick.

Just remember to pin his arms down first.

What Have I Done?

It's Judy's fault.

She told me to check out her Facebook.

So I did.

And I saw lots of people I used to know.

So I signed up.

And now I check my e-mail every few minutes.

Someone else might leave a comment or add me as a friend.

Facebook is so cool.

I love you guys.

"That's a Bad Word"

Abigail's homework assignment was to pick three words that rhyme with "truck" and write a sentence for each word.

Her first word was "luck".

She then tried "book" but that's only an approximate rhyme.

Her next word rhymed with "truck".

I asked her to repeat what she said.

She did.

"Sweetheart, that's a bad word. We don't use that word." I can be a very good father sometimes.

I had a feeling this might happen when I saw the assignment.

Soup Time

Now that Autumn is here and temperatures have dropped into the upper 90s, I decided it was time to make Navy Bean Soup. It turned out pretty well. I used 2 pounds of Navy Beans but I think one would have been better. Now I have enough soup to feed an entire ship full of hungry sailors.

Navy Bean Soup

1 pound navy beans (soaked)

1 pound ham (chopped)

1/4 cup chopped onion

1/2 cup chopped carrots

Salt

Pepper

Garlic Powder

6 to 8 cups water

After the beans have soaked, combine all the ingredients in a large pot and simmer until the beans are tender. Enjoy.

That was easy.

Sunday Photos

I was playing around this morning with the macro setting on my camera.

Sexy?

Tab was looking for a Halloween costume the other day. She had a hard time finding a costume that wasn't prefaced by the description "Sexy". There were costumes for Sexy Nurse, Sexy Maid, Sexy Cop, Sexy Doctor, and Sexy Hooker. Tab's already got Sexy Schoolteacher covered.

We started thinking about other "Sexy" costumes for the ladies. How about a Sexy School Lunch Lady, or a Sexy Taxi Driver, or a Sexy Stenographer. Perhaps a Sexy Administrative Assistant or a Sexy X-ray Technician. Or a Sexy CEO. I think Sexy Mortician would be a perfect Halloween costume for a daring young lady looking for a good time on October 31.

I'm just going to dress up in my usual costume on Halloween. I don't have any specific plans but I'm sure I'll be going to a lot of parties.

I won't be bringing beer.

Shouldn't You Be in Bed?

It's about 12:30 in the morning. I had to run down to work to drop off some papers. On my way home, I stopped at my local 24 hour Walmart to see if there was a new issue of "Woodenboat" magazine.

I didn't find "Woodenboat" but I did find some people shopping with their infant and two toddlers.

Let me give you a moment for that to sink in.

...

...

Can you believe I went to Walmart?

Crazy!

Chuck's Belly

It used to be a little bigger.

And it had more stuff inside.

It's Never a Good Time...

... to get detained by the police. You're either very thirsty or you have to pee really badly. Sometimes it's both.

I Love This Country

In the circles I run in, you hear a lot about how "We need to take this country back for God" and "This country was founded on Judeo-Christian values." I'm not sure what "Judeo-Christian values" are but I'm pretty sure they don't include animal sacrifices, polygamy, and stoning.

Evangelical Christians have had unprecedented access to political power for the past 30 years. Jimmy Carter, for all of his Southern liberalism, was a "born again" Christian. The religious right rallied to thrust Ronald Reagan into the White House. Evangelicals turned the Democrats out of Congress in the 90's and helped George W. serve eight years in office. Evangelical pastors have had the ear of the president and Congress for a while now.

To what end?

The past thirty years have seen a continued erosion of "Judeo-Christian values" in this country. Divorce, drug use, pornography, teen pregnancy, gay rights, abortion.... The list goes on.

All of this political power has netted Christians in this country nothing.

Vote for whomever or whatever you think is best in November but don't think it's going to stem the tide. It's time Christians started leading by example and not by legislation.

Pants

Yep, it's that time of the year again. Time to dust off those blue jeans and put away the shorts.

Well, I won't be putting away the shorts but I will be wearing pants every now and again.

When I was in Junior High I had one pair of blue jeans. They were Levi 501's. Mom washed them on the weekend and I started wearing them on Monday. I'd run around all day in them and wear them again the next day. They would get progressively softer as they got dirtier through the week. By Friday, they were kind of gross. When they wore out I got a new pair.

I used to dream about having more than one pair of blue jeans to wear.

I'm a little particular about the jeans I wear. I don't like them too loose or too tight. I don't like them too long or too short. I like to have a pocket for my cell phone. I like to wash them often.

I got my 2008-2009 pair today.

I may buy only one pair a year but I don't wear them everyday and I don't wear them out like I did in Junior High.