Tuesday, January 13, 2009

You Are What You Drink

I was listening to the radio the other day when a commercial came on. This commercial spoke about the shame men feel when they drink diet soda around other men. It's apparently unmanly to drink diet soda.

I wasn't aware of this.

I did know that diet soda has traditionally been marketed to women who are constantly watching their waistlines. But I know plenty of guys who drink diet soda.

I didn't know we were sissies until now.

I used to think I was immune to marketing of this kind. I have a college degree and a deep skepticism, after all. I'm not immune.

I'm suddenly self-conscious of the can of Diet Pepsi Vanilla in my hand. Am I less of a man because there isn't sugar in my soda? Why have I only recently become interested in furry slippers and kittens? I feel a few quarts low on testosterone.

Fortunately, the commercial offered a solution: Pepsi Max.

Notice the steel gray can with modern sans-serif fonts. Notice the conspicuous lack of "diet" written on the can. There's just the name "MAX" and a big zero.

There is nothing more "MAX" than a real man.

It's got caffeine and ginseng. We all now what caffeine does (it gives you the shakes and a headache when you don't have your daily dose) but I'm not really sure what ginseng does. It must be something manly though.


brian said...

it's not the "diet" that makes you less than a man....it's the "vanilla"

TimB said...

Oh sure, vanilla sounds a little like "vagina". But vanilla is to sweet what bacon is to savory - it makes everything taste better.

I had a vanilla bourbon stout from the Couer d'Alene Brewing Company a while back that was the tastiest liquid I've ever consumed.