You Are What You Drink

I was listening to the radio the other day when a commercial came on. This commercial spoke about the shame men feel when they drink diet soda around other men. It's apparently unmanly to drink diet soda.

I wasn't aware of this.

I did know that diet soda has traditionally been marketed to women who are constantly watching their waistlines. But I know plenty of guys who drink diet soda.

I didn't know we were sissies until now.

I used to think I was immune to marketing of this kind. I have a college degree and a deep skepticism, after all. I'm not immune.

I'm suddenly self-conscious of the can of Diet Pepsi Vanilla in my hand. Am I less of a man because there isn't sugar in my soda? Why have I only recently become interested in furry slippers and kittens? I feel a few quarts low on testosterone.

Fortunately, the commercial offered a solution: Pepsi Max.

Notice the steel gray can with modern sans-serif fonts. Notice the conspicuous lack of "diet" written on the can. There's just the name "MAX" and a big zero.

There is nothing more "MAX" than a real man.

It's got caffeine and ginseng. We all now what caffeine does (it gives you the shakes and a headache when you don't have your daily dose) but I'm not really sure what ginseng does. It must be something manly though.