Sunday, September 28, 2008

How Did This Happen?

I've tried to be a progressive parent committed to the non-violent resolution of conflict. I don't watch gratuitously violent movies, play bloody video games or allow my children to watch violent cartoons.

And yet I have a two-year-old son who runs around the house yelling "Pam, pam, pam."

The only toy gun he has is a Buzz Lightyear laser pistol and he doesn't even play with it. But every "L" shaped object in the house becomes a gun.

"Pam, pam, pam." He chases the poor old cats and shoots them.

"Pam, pam, pam." He intrudes upon my quiet time in the bathroom and shoots me.

"Pam, pam, pam." He shoots his big sister.

"Don't even think about it mister." He even tries to shoot his mother.

Do we have a proto-serial killer in our midst? Is he going to grow up to be a drive-by shootin' gangster? Is he going to be a flat brimmed baseball cap wearin', saggy shorts saggin', jacked up pick-up truck drivin', wife beater sportin', MMA fightin' knucklehead when he gets older?

I hope not.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Mmmm!.. Donuts

Donuts are an American institution. What is more American than little round blobs of dough dropped into hot grease and fried until they're fluffy on the inside and golden brown on the outside.

You might think that I eat donuts all the time. I don't. They're a rare treat.

I took Tabitha and the kids for donuts this morning. Abigail got a glazed raised, Aidan picked out a rainbow sprinkle, Tabitha got an apple fritter, and I got a glazed old fashioned and a crumb (yes, that's two for those of you keeping track).

Donuts are pure sugary bliss. Sure, I can feel my heart struggling as if it's pumping blood uphill. I'll make up for it by eating something healthy sometime.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Look What I Did Today

Mission Viejo looks a little different from 800 feet.

In the lower left of the photo you can see the world's largest parking structure. In the center is Disneyland.

We were looking for a floater off the coast of Laguna Beach.

A view from inside the cockpit. "Cockpit" is such a funny word.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Cheesy Pick-up Lines From a Two-Year-Old?

Tabitha was in the bedroom this morning when Aidan asked her, "So, what's your name?"

Friday, September 12, 2008

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I Like a Good Bath Towel

There's nothing like a good soft towel after a long luxurious shower.

But this post isn't really about that. It's more about a few observations from the past few days.

1. Bad girls hang around with bad boys. Or vice versa.
2. You can drive the 75 miles from work to wife's work in traffic in less than an hour if you exceed the speed limit.
3. Fast food is fast but it's not food.
4. Hostess Chocolate Donette Gems might taste sorta good but they aren't very satisfying.
5. Sometimes it's not your fault.
6. Usually it is.
7. Good friends help out in times of crisis if they know there's a crisis.
8. Nobody buys print encyclopedias anymore.
9. The lady sitting at the table outside Starbucks in barefeet and mumbling to herself might be a drug addicted parolee or she might be an angel but you'll never know unless you ask.
10. Sometimes I crave cheese as I'm falling asleep. I don't think it's because my body needs cheese.
11. Summertime blows.
12. I've got great kids but sometimes they really get on my nerves.
13. Most magazines are just trying to get you to buy stuff. And yet I still read them.
14. A Jeep doesn't replace a Mini.
15. Comedians aren't funny if you're not in the mood.
16. Carlos Mencia is not funny. Period. Full stop (for the Brits).
17. Sometimes I'm not very motivated to go to church. It usually happens only once a week.
18. Super Sugar Crisp taste good but you can feel your body shutting down after you eat them.
19. Lance Armstrong should stay retired.
20. You can't unshred an important document.
21. People lie. Sometimes.
22. Some people lie all the time. (This is not a logic puzzle).
23. I want to go to the Minnesota State Fair and eat a corn dog.
24. Liberals suck and Conservatives blow.
25. Moderates are wishy-washy.
26. The book of Revelation is not about a super-computer in Belgium called the Beast.
27. Electricity is the future of transportation.
28. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

And finally...

29. Sleep doesn't satisfy like it used to but I still do it.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

That's Reassuring

We found out the other day that GOP VP nominee Sarah Palin's seventeen-year-old daughter, Bristol, is pregnant.

These things happen.

A little beer, a little boredom and nature takes its course.

And then we find out she is going to marry the father of the baby (I hear the rack of a shotgun slide).

What a relief. I thought for sure she would have to give up the baby for adoption. I'm sure everything will be okay now that two teenagers are going to raise the child.

Friday, September 5, 2008

You Eat That?

When I was a youngster you could have not gotten me to eat an artichoke for any amount of money. They looked disgusting and smelled worse.

But then, when I was in Europe, I had a pasta dish made with artichoke hearts. It had artichoke hearts, garlic, rotini, olive oil and bacon.

Bacon makes everything better.

It was pretty good.

I didn't become an artichoke eater overnight but I did stop my personal campaign to remove them from the list of edibles.

Several months ago, Tab and I were at the Ojai Valley Inn. We ate at one of the restaurants at the resort. There was an artichoke appetizer listed on the menu.

I don't remember exactly how it was prepared but it had something to do with an artichoke, garlic, olive oil, and fire.

It was good - darn good.

And it doesn't give you stinky pee like my other favorite veggie.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Inflation Hits Home

There's been a lot of talk recently about rising prices. Gas prices are nearly double what they were a few years ago. Food costs more, electricity costs more, clothing costs more. The dollar seems to be in a freefall against the world's major currencies.

But none of that hurt very much.

Sure my gasoline bill went through the roof. But I'm also driving much farther to work.

This hurt:

The cost of 7 ounces of Kerrygold Dubliner cheese from Ireland went from $4.99 to $5.99 at Target.

Abigail's Dance Show

Abigail had her sort of annual dance show. This year it was a TV theme. Abigail danced an "I Dream of Jeanie" dance with her class.

She's the third from the right.

Striking a pose.

Now she wants to give gymnastics a try.