The Happiest Place on Earth (Day 2)

Day two began early. Even with the shades drawn, Abigail was awake at first light.

Breakfast with the Critters at Storytellers Cafe.

Giddy with anticipation.

It's either Chip or Dale.


Mommy took Abigail to Libby Lu for hair and makeup. Daddy took Aidan to the room to change a stinky diaper.

A future equestrian.

My love, my bride.

Excitement?

Buzz and Zurg join our family.

A cocoon, perhaps?

You can't catch me!

I think they're tired.

The Happiest Place on Earth (Day 1)

The cynic in me knows Disneyland is a carefully crafted machine designed to extract as much money from me as possible.

And yet...

... I love going there.

Last week we had a short summer vacation at Disneyland. We stayed at the Grand Californian for a couple of nights and went to both Disneyland and California Adventure. We had a great time.

Aidan and Abigail enjoy the view from our room.

Abigail patiently waits for her pizza at Naples in Downtown Disney.

Aidan was not so patient.

This is my favorite pizza.

I saw Mommy do it this way.

Finally

After weeks of struggle...

...Abigail's tooth came out.

Hit The Showers

I love a good shower. Standing under its warm caress after 12 hours in the salt mine, washing the grime and cares of the day away. Pure bliss.

Back when I was a young kid and just getting used to the habit of being clean, I took showers every morning. And then I went to bed dirty. Now I hate going to bed feeling grimy.

Later I was a two-shower-a-day guy. One in the morning and one in the evening. Not anymore. Except on work days, I generally only take a shower before going to bed. It saves water or something.

I like to camp in places that have showers. There is nothing more gratifying than rinsing the soap and shampoo off before the timer shuts off the shower. There is nothing more frustrating than having the timer shut off when you're still covered in soap. It's no fun fumbling with quarters while shampoo drips into your eyes.

It's not that I don't like to get dirty. I just like to be able to clean up after.

Okay, maybe I don't really like to get dirty.

And Another Thing...

... that really chaps my hide: loose toilet seats.

I know you thought I was going to say, "Republicrats" or "high gas prices" but those don't bother me nearly as much as a loose toilet seat.

There is no excuse for a loose toilet seat. It doesn't even require tools to fix. There is just a little plastic nut on the filthy underside of the toilet. Reach back there and give it a twist.

And then wash your hands really good. It's pretty gross under most toilet seats.

I know a guy who pinched his nut sack pretty badly when the toilet seat slipped, trapping him between the seat and bowl. He cried like a baby.

Okay, I Get It.

Every time we get into the car now, Aidan says "Don't crash into the pole."

More Music

Where Were You in December 1988?

Love those glasses.

A Self-Portrait

Sweet Dreams

"No More Mini"

Last night Tabitha had low blood sugar while driving the kids back from Fontana. She remembers getting on the east bound 60 freeway in Rubidoux and then the rest is just a fog. The CHP tried to stop what they thought was a drunk driver. They realized she had a medical issue and dropped back.

The car finally came to a stop when she ran into a light pole at 50 miles per hour on an on-ramp to the 10 freeway in Cabazon.




The pole fell on top of the car.





Thankfully, neither Tabitha nor the kids have any serious injuries. Aidan seems to be the most shook up. He was angry with Mommy for making him bite his tongue. He will be okay.


Thank you Mini for giving up your life to protect my family.

There Isn't Much Cuter than a Two-Year-Old...

... in a tuxedo.

Aidan had the honor of serving as Ring-Bearer in Jenna and Will's wedding.

Abigail enjoyed herself too.

Aidan was a whirl of activity at the reception.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Andy

On His Blindness

I was driving home from my shift at the salt mine early this morning. I rubbed my tired right eye and my contact lens popped out.

Uh oh!

Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, I can put a tiny plastic disk in my eye and have better than perfect vision. Unfortunately, without those little helpers I'm as blind as a bat in the noonday sun.

So there I was travelling down the 91 freeway at two thirty in the morning with the cruise control set at 87 miles per hour. With one good eye.

I could see clearly if I closed my right eye but I had no depth perception. If I opened both eyes I had depth perception but everything was distorted. I was still forty miles from home so stopping was not an option.

So anyway, I made it home safely. The worst part was pulling into the garage. I wasn't sure how close I was to the wall. Luckily I didn't run into anything.

Today, I'm putting a spare pair of glasses in the car in case this happens again.


A Little Something Extra:

Nobody believes you when you claim you are wearing your friend's pants. Especially when there is heroin in the pants and you have fresh puncture marks on your arms. Try to come up with a better story next time.

So That's What Happened to All of the Toilet Paper

The roll is too attractive for idle two-year-old hands.

A Small Victory?

In the battle of the sexes, victory is measured by...?



Not ground gained, enemy combatants killed, or total annihilation of the enemy. If you treat a relationship like a battle, then there can be no victory.



That being said...



Tabitha told me the other day that she was going to get all three "National Treasure" movies and watch them this week. I said there were only two "National Treasure" movies. She looked at me with pitying eyes and said that no, there were, in fact, three movies. I said I was pretty sure there were only two.



Today she told me she watched "National Treasure" with Abigail and that, yes, there were only two "National Treasure" movies.



I'm not gloating. I'm only putting it on record because it is very rare that I'm correct.

The Sword of Damocles, Sort of.

I have a recurring dream that I am still enrolled in college. The semester is winding down and finals are fast approaching. In my dream, I have just realized that I have enrolled in a class but have not been attending that class for some time. I think the class might have been today or perhaps yesterday, but I'm not really sure.

The problem is that I can't remember the name of the class.

I rack my brain to remember with no success. It's usually one of those necessary evils like Bible something, or college algebra, or philosophy. I just stopped going, but I didn't drop it and I'm worried about failing.

I've had this dream dozens of times. I've been out of college for twelve years but I'm still worried about unknown assignments hanging over my head.

Today when I had this dream while attempting to nap, I hit upon a solution. I should carry a small notebook to write down all of my assignments. When I complete an assignment, I just make a little check next to the entry. Now I never need to forget about missing an assignment or forgetting a class.

Why couldn't I have figured that out 17 years ago when it might have done me some good?

Postscript:

I just got a letter that my student loan has been paid in full. Now maybe the dreams will stop.

Hiking With the Family

We went on a short hike yesterday afternoon in the hills near our home.

The famous intrepid explorer, Abigail, poses for the camera at the beginning of a four month expedition in the deepest wilds of Moreno Valley.

Admiring the hazy view.

It's steeper than it looks.

I freaked the kids out a little when I told them to watch out for snakes. Luckily we didn't see any.

Dad, put down the camera and carry me.


It wasn't the top but we still had a nice view of Lake Perris. The kids did great. Abigail walked the entire way. Aidan slipped a couple of times but I think he still enjoyed himself.

Yawn!

I'm working twelve hour shifts in the salt mine. On top of that, my commute is seventy miles each way. It doesn't leave much time for sleeping.

So I spend my time during the weekend sleeping. Yesterday I took a nap from 11:00 AM to 3:30 PM. I went to bed around nine and slept till 7:30 this morning. I'm still tired.

I remember when I was young and stupid (six months ago). I'd burn the candle from both ends. I'd stay up till two and get up at six. And do it again the next night. Not anymore, at least by choice.

Tabitha is sleeping. Aidan is napping and Abigail is playing quietly in her room. I think I'm going to take a nap.

Wow! You Guys Look Old.

There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes it has been twenty years since he graduated from high school. This realization causes one to reflect upon one's misspent life. One wants to get in touch with one's old friends in an attempt to recapture some of that lost youth and measure one's progress down the road of life.

Several weeks ago I got in touch with my bestest friend from high school, Shanon, and suggested we might have a little get together with a few close friends. She liked the idea and ran with it. So today, we met at a restaurant in San Dimas for lunch.

It was fun. It was a gathering of nerds but it was fun. I hesitate to include myself in the category of nerd only because I lack the requisite intelligence. I'm the idiot amongst the nerds.

Marcelo brought his four-year-old son, Marcelo.

Shanon came with her husband, Dave.

Me and Shanon.

I was struck by how much Marcelo and Shanon have aged. They really look a lot older than I remember from high school. I, of course, have not changed a bit. A little more handsome perhaps, but still young. You be the judge:

I Look Like a First-Grader Now

Abigail had her Kindergarten graduation yesterday. She received the "Gentle Spirit Award." We worry she is sometimes too quiet in the classroom.

The class sang a few songs for us.

Abigail and her teacher, Mrs. Shafer.

Abigail with Emily and Selah.

Abigail and Karlie.

Rubber Duckie, you're the one.

One of these guys is handsome.

It's June...

... so it must be time for a new pool.

Every year Tabitha tells me she wants a pool. Having grown up with the sublime joys of a backyard swimming pool, Tabitha has found it difficult to adjust to life without.

I grew up with sprinklers and little plastic pools that quickly filled with grass clippings. Pools were a luxury for the idle rich.

I want a pool. I really do. I can think of nothing better than taking a dip in the cool, refreshing waters of my own swimmin' hole after a day in the salt mines. It sounds awesome.

It also sounds expensive.

So every year we have been in the new house, Tabitha has brought home a successively larger inflatable pool. This year's is the biggest yet. Abigail can actually swim across but still easily touch the bottom. Aidan doesn't really like the water, but we can usually cajole him into sitting in an inner tube. Tab and I can sit in the water and soak up all those harmful UV rays. One hundred degrees doesn't seem so hot when you are sitting in cool water.

Maybe we can get a real pool in a few years.

My Shoes

These are my Converse All-Stars. I got them at the Gap. They are the only All-Stars I've seen that have arch support. I'm worried that I won't be able to find a new pair after these are worn out.

Wearing them nearly every day will do that.

Mmmm... Yummy

We decided to go to the California Pizza Kitchen for dinner tonight. On the way Aidan said he likes "Pooperoni."

Tabitha could not stop laughing.

Abigail's Blanket

This is Abigail's blanket. It has been a source of comfort since she was an infant. She snuggles up with it every night before she goes to sleep.

An angel gave her the blanket.

When Abigail was about 7 months old, we were still living in downtown Riverside. One evening, Tabitha decided to collect leaves from the neighborhood trees to use for an art project at school. It was a warm late summer evening.

As we walked around the neighborhood with Abigail in her stroller, I noticed Tabitha was strangely argumentative. I soon realized she had low blood sugar.

We had no candy, no juice -- nothing. I didn't even have my cell phone. I was starting to get nervous as my ever diminishing options ran through my head.

We were about five blocks from home as we headed up a street. A woman and her two young children were standing in their front yard. I explained Tabitha's low blood sugar and asked if they had any juice. The woman immediately went inside and came back with a large glass of juice and a baby blanket for Abigail.

Tabitha soon came back to normal, while Abigail snuggled up in the blanket. The lady told us to keep the blanket.

We never learned her name.

Happy Birthday to My Favorite Sister-in-Law

Yep, Elizabeth is another year older. We went to the Yard House to celebrate with her tonight.

Abigail had a good time.

I swear he had only milk to drink.

Abigail takes pretty good photos these days.

Happy Belated Birthday

John-Mark Brookman turned 4 years old on Monday. He'll be driving soon.

Now That's Ironic

Most people assume that they would be in the bloom of their youth if they had immortality. They think they would have their healthy 25-year-old body but with the benefit of years of wisdom.

What if you had to live forever with a broken down elderly body.

You couldn't hear, you couldn't see, you couldn't remember anything, you soiled yourself, you couldn't take care of yourself.

And you couldn't die.

You were going to live forever.

That would suck.

Twelve Years Ago Today...

...Tabitha Herrity became my wife.

She is even more beautiful today.

Styles Change

What Would You Do?

Let's say you were in the restroom of a large public facility. Maybe it's a church. You've finished your business and you have wet hands (you do wash your hands, don't you?). You need a paper towel to dry off. You see this automatic paper towel dispenser. What do you do?



You'd probably wave your wet hand underneath the little hand/arrow icon on the right side.



You'd be correct.



It took me about three months to figure that out. Every time I tried to get a paper towel I waved my hands underneath the dispenser. I tried the left side, I tried the middle, I tried the right side. Sometimes I got a paper towel and sometimes I didn't. It was very frustrating. I didn't know the arrow was there for a reason.



I barely finished college. They might want their diploma back.



And, yes, I do like to take photos in restrooms.

A Prediction Comes True

A soothsayer once said to his wife upon the contemplation of having children, "I'm worried I'll never have any privacy in the bathroom."

I'm not often right but I was right on this one.

That Tastes a Little...Odd.

It was a little rainy today when we got home from school. I decided to make a Bisquick Cinnamon Struesel Coffee Cake because I like sweets. A lot.

I grabbed the cinnamon from the cupboard and measured out a heaping half teaspoon. I like cinnamon. The cinnamon looked a bit grainier than usual but I thought it might have been a special type. I dumped it into the bowl with the brown sugar, butter, and Bisquick. And then I took a good look at the spice bottle. "Cumin."

That's not cinnamon.

I scooped out most of the cumin, found the cinnamon, and dumped in a heaping half teaspoon.

It's pretty good but you can definitely taste the cumin. Not really how Betty Crocker intended coffee cake to taste.

And Then The Heavens Opened...

Around 4:30 this afternoon, the rain and hail started falling by the bucketful. Our yard was soon covered in icy little balls and the streets were high-top deep. Lightning lit the sky and thunder frightened the kids.

It was so cool.

Ophidiophobia

My scary dreams are about rattlesnakes. There are rattlesnakes in my yard, on my porch, and in my house. I find rattlesnakes in a field, under a rock, and under my bed.

I hate rattlesnakes.

Actually I hate to be surprised by rattlesnakes. If I'm not surprised, no problem.

If you grow up in Southern California and spend any time in the hills you'll come across a rattlesnake. I was camping with my dad and a couple of friends. We were sitting on rocks around a fire cooking breakfast when I stood up. Out slithered a baby rattler about 14 inches long. He coiled up on the warm rock and looked us over. I wanted to take a shovel to him but my dad stopped me. We shooed him away and then broke camp. I couldn't get home fast enough.

I still shiver when I think about it.

Those Southern Pentecostal snake handlers are crazy in more than one way.

It's not just rattlesnakes. I read about a family in India who had work done under their house. They found hundreds of cobras living in the crawl space. I know cobras are shy, relatively placid poisonous creatures but I don't want to live with them.

I watched a video of a TV animal botherer who was trying to get a good photo of a cobra in Africa. He teases the snake, grabbing its tail and poking it. The snake bites him. They rush him off to the hospital and dose him with anti venom. Then he goes back, finds the same cobra, and starts over.

I'm not the smartest guy in the world but I know not to tease a cobra.

I Love "Snatch"

Once upon a time there was a young movie director from England. His name was Guy Ritchie. He made funny, violent movies about the English criminal underworld. And then he changed his last name to Ciccone.

He hasn't done much since.

His masterpiece is "Snatch" a caper film about an unlicensed bare-knuckle boxing promoter named Turkish (Jason Statham). Turkish needs to buy a new caravan to replace his broken down old one so he sends his partner, Tommy, and boxer Gorgeous off to a Pikey encampment to buy a newer one.

Things fall apart.

Did I mention the diamond heist in Antwerp? Did I mention Bricktop, a pig farming gangster? What about the Russian? Or Brad Pitt as the incomprehensible Pikey bare knuckle boxing champion. What about....?

I could go on and on.

The plot twists and turns as it eventually comes together. People get hurt. People die. And who can forget the unforgettable line "All... bets... are... off."

I love this movie. I saw it with Tabitha in the theater and I have watched the DVD at least a dozen times. I have seen this movie more than any other.

I'm waiting for Guy Ciccone to make its equal. I have a feeling I'll be waiting a long time.

Glory, Glory Man United

Congratulations to Manchester United Football Club, winners of the 2008 UEFA Champions League and Premier League Champions.

It Just Bubbles Out of the Ground...Right?

Today I used over 12 gallons of gas to drive just 57 miles.

No Thanks. I'll Drive.

When I was a kid flying on an airplane to a far off destination was exciting. I would think about it for weeks.

The stewardess (that's what we called them in the old days) gave me a little set of pilot's wings. I got to sit in the cockpit with the pilots. And they gave me a plastic coated souvenir bag. It was so cool. Even the food was good.

Flying is not so fun anymore.

Since my family moved to Montana I've flown up there a couple of times. In October 2006, Tabitha was away at a conference so I decided to take the kids to Montana for the weekend. We booked our flights from Ontario, through Denver, to Missoula.

If you ever need sympathy from fellow travellers take a plane trip by yourself with two small children.

Our flight into Denver was delayed due to a blizzard. Our flight to Missoula was cancelled. We diverted to Spokane and drove a rental the rest of the way. I paid $300 to drop the car off in Missoula. And then the TSA Nazi asked me to remove Aidan's shoes when we went through security.

What the hell?

I know airline security is mostly BS. I know the TSA knows airline security is mostly BS. Did he seriously think I had placed a bomb in my 10-month-old son's size three sneakers? Having the ability to read a situation and decide upon alternative courses of action is a sign of intelligence. Removing shoes from an infant for "security reasons" is not.

Why should I pay good money to arrive 2 hours before my flight, pad through the security screening in my socks, explain why I have a bottle of formula in my carry-on, cram into a torture device disguised as a seat, eat soy nuts and drink half a bottle of water, hope my luggage made it, and then do it all over again to come home?

Missoula is about 1200 miles from my house by car. It should take 3 hours at the most to fly there. Instead, I usually have to devote 12 hours.

I can drive to Pocatello, Idaho in 12 hours. I can drink the biggest bottle of water my bladder can handle. I can eat as many bags of Doritos as I want. And I get to drive through the Virgin River Gorge, past the Wasatch Front, over Moneida Pass, and into the open spaces of Montana.

And now I can stop at the In-N-Out just outside St. George, Utah.

No thanks. I'll drive.

You Spent How Much...?

Tabitha and I sat down to look at our finances last month. It was an eye-opener. We figured out we spend over $200 a month at Starbucks. And that was only the purchases on our debit card.

So we cut out trips to Starbucks.

It's killing me.

But it's not killing me as much as it's killing Tab. She is only buying a morning chai three times a week instead of everyday. She's making her own chai at home but it's not the same. I do admire her sacrifice.

I miss my afternoon vanilla latte. There's nothing like a late afternoon shot of caffeine to ensure a restless night's sleep. I've been brewing my own cup of coffee every morning and taking it to work in a travel mug. The darn mug leaks a little. Not cool.

On Tuesday a co-worker bought me a cup of coffee at Starbucks. I had a grande Pikes Place. It was good.

Real good.

Whew!

Today was "Messed-up Teenage Girl Day" at work. There is no crazy like teenage girl crazy. I'm just sayin'.

I successfully completed week 2 of training. Only 18 to go. I've been writing a lot but unfortunately not on my blog.

So many stories that can't be told. At least not on the blog.

What Would You Do?

Let's say you've been sitting at the bar drinking all day and your blood alcohol is almost 3 times the legal limit. You have also been arrested for drunk driving within the last month. Your step-daughter calls and asks for a ride home from the Mall. She's 17 and has a driver's license. Do you:

A. Let her drive.

B. Insist on driving yourself.

If you answer "A" you get home to sleep it off. If you answer "B" and your step-daughter calls the cops from her cell-phone while you are driving erratically, you get arrested for DUI, felony child endangerment, and have your wife's brand new Escalade impounded for 30 days (she probably won't be very happy).

I hope you swallowed your pride and answered "A".